A Divorce Attorney Can Rush You Into Divorce

From the HuffingtonPost, some informed advice about what to look for in a divorce attorney.

You may have hit bottom in your marriage, and believe the only thing to do is to get divorced. Upon your first visit to an attorney, beware that many attorneys will go into full-force fighting gear and start the divorce process without considering that you may need more time to think about it. Attorneys are sometimes like plumbers — they see a problem and take the steps to “fix” it without considering that a person who is contemplating divorce may be just thinking, envisioning, and fact-finding. If your divorce attorney takes a zealous role, you won’t have time to consider whether you really want to divorce. In fact, hitting bottom can be a wake-up call towards reclaiming and revitalizing your marriage. You won’t find the space to do that if you visit an overly aggressive divorce attorney who starts the process right away.

Money Issues Distort the Process. Yes, money issues in divorce are very significant. When separating a family into two households, there is almost always economic scarcity. Divorce lawyers tend to do money division very aggressively.

Remember, a litigated divorce is a war in which the lawyers view more money as a win, and less money as a loss. But divorce trials will always create harsh feelings, and very often will produce unfair results. If there are children, the corrosiveness caused by fighting over money will spill over into the children’s emotional well-being for their entire lives. Children see and hear very clearly and will know what’s going on.

Spouses who work through money issues directly (or through a four-way process with their lawyers, or through mediation) almost always can come to terms which are reasonable and workable. The spouses feel better because they, and not their attorneys, are in control and their needs are fully expressed and acknowledged. The bitterness that comes with winning and losing in Court can be eliminated by working through the financial problem together.

In a sense, working on money and child-related issues together can be the last act of the marriage. And it can be a loving and respectful one.

Read the full article here.

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