Michele Weiner-Davis is a well-known author and therapist who specializes in marriage relationships. She’s published the first chapter from her fascinating book Divorce Busting from which we get this quote about her changed perspective to divorce.
Over the past several years I have witnessed the suffering and disillusionment that are the predictable by-products of divorce. I have seen people who have been divorced for five years or longer with wounds that won’t heal. These people failed to anticipate the pain and upheaval divorce leaves in its wake. I have heard countless divorced couples battle tenaciously over the very same issues they believed they were leaving behind when they walked out the door. They learned too late that the act of divorce does not free them from their ex-spouses’ emotional grip; some ghosts live forever.
I have heard too many disillusioned individuals express regrets about their belief that their ex-spouse was the problem only to discover similar problems in their second marriages or, even more surprisingly, in their new single lives. They admit to recreating the same unproductive patterns of interacting in new relationships, repeating old mistakes or discovering that they are still miserable.
Diagnosing one’s spouse as the source of the problem, a common antecedent to divorce, doesn’t take into account the roles both partners play in the deterioration of the relationship. The habits spouses developed over the years go with them when they walk out the door…
I have not arrived at this conclusion based on religious or moralistic views. From my perspective, divorce is neither immoral nor bad. In fact, in extreme cases, certain relationships are better off terminated for the health and well being of everyone involved. This book will also address these exceptional situations. However, most people considering divorce do not fall into these extreme categories.
And if you’d like to learn more about the historical basis of marriage, check out our exclusive video interview with Rebecca Davis about her book More Perfect Unions.