Part 4: Marriage saved through mediation

By MaritalMediation Staff on November 16, 2010

In this exclusive interview, Deborah Moskovitch discusses cases in which couples save their marriage:

“For a couple that’s been married for a very long time, what are the issues? What would life be like if you didn’t have your kid, if you didn’t have the extended family, finances. I’m not saying you stay there for certain things, like just finances. But think about all the implications. People have these unrealistic expectations, they think that the grass is greener on the other side and it isn’t necessarily so.”

Well, you know, I've got couples that come to me, actually it's more of the individual, it's not couples that are coming to me. It's an individual that's coming to me through my consulting practice just looking for options and wanting to understand whether or not divorce is right for them. So, again, not many happy couples, but I have had many individuals who have come to me to see what divorce is all about. Because divorce is a process. There's a huge emotional side to it, and a very large, obviously like, the legal side to it.

So, I have sent many clients again to a therapist, and, you know, the feedback is, "I've realized that I need to work on myself, I need to work on the relationship, and right now, at least, I don't want to get divorced."

So, while I don't see the couples , I do see an individual. And when they really look at divorce, and what it means.

Like let's look at a couple with a family, you know, with children, when they really look at perhaps not seeing their children all the time, the lost of extended family look. When you look at all those losses are, and what life really would be like as a divorced individual? That helps a lot of people put things into perspective

Right. I do think sometimes that divorce is glamorized by the media. You know, you hear so much about celebrity divorce and then, whatever, you know whoever wanted dating and everything else. It's not really reality, and it's probably not your reality.

So I think I think that you have to look at things from a realistic perspective, and that's why I do cancel a lot of my clients to work with a therapist, to really sort through what is realistic about life post divorce. Especially if you've got kids, like when you're young, you know when you're If someone is, you know, this couple that in their early twenties and it's really not working out, I'm not gonna, I don't think that they should, you know, be forced to stay in that relationship. If they discover early on that this relationship is not working for them. You know, after five months, and they had a short relationship period before getting married, it probably isn't right for them.

But, for a couple that's been married for a very long time. What are the issues? And think about what life would be like if you didn't have your kid, if you didn't have the extended family, finances. I'm not saying you stay there for certain things, like just, you know, for finances, but think about all the implications.

Because, as I say, like people have these unrealistic expectations, they think that the grass is greener on the other side and it isn't necessarily so.

Deborah Moskovitch is a leading author and public speaker on divorce and relationships.

She regularly shares her insights and research on television and radio to discuss how divorce can be managed to minimize the grief and financial hardships people often experience. Deborah also speaks regularly about the importance of the emotional healing post-divorce. She is a regular contributor to More magazine’s online edition, a national publication celebrating women over 40. She serves on the Board of Directors of AFCC Ontario, an international association of professionals dedicated to improving the lives of children and families through the resolution of family conflict. Her goal is to help people manage the divorce process in a healthier, less painful way and move on to create a better life post-divorce.

For more information, visit Deborah’s website at www.thesmartdivorce.com, contact her via email at info at thesmartdivorce dot com or call 905 695 0270.

Tags: attorney, divorce, marriage mediation