Part 3: Advice on finding a mediator for marriage

By MaritalMediation Staff on November 16, 2010

In this exclusive interview, Deborah Moskovitch discusses things to keep in mind when choosing a mediator or attorney:

“You know, you go to a restaurant and you don’t always like the food. If that experience feels really uncomfortable for you, then why are you going back? So, I really say that people should evaluate whether or not this is the right individual for them. And, what worked for one person, what worked for one couple doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s the right individual for another couple. Even though that person has a great reputation, doesn’t necessarily mean that they are the right individual for you. You’ve got to do your own due diligence.”

I think you need to do your own due diligence, find out what exactly it is you want that professional for.

You know, a mediator is a neutral third party. They're not going to offer you any kind of advice, they're going to help a couple better communicate. If you go to a couples counselor, I think that individual is going to do a little bit of therapy. A mediator doesn't do any therapy.

So look at the individual that you're looking to retain and what their expertise are and the reasons why you need to hire that individual. I think for most, you know for most couples who are having problems, probably a couples counselor slash therapist social worker is the best type of individual, or you know, a psychologist, is the best type of individual for them. a mediator is really, you know, mediating, you know, specific issues in terms of, not relationships per se, but a specific issue.

So that's why I would suggest, you know, if there really is a breakdown in their relationship. Not that you're necessarily gonna get divorced, but you want to work through the issues, that you might want to work with some kind of couples counselor, and some one who is trained in your specific issues.

I think that's another thing, is people don't often take enough time to look for the individual that's right for them, or, if they are working with someone and they don't like that person or they don't feel comfortable with that person, they stay there. You know, you don't have to stay there, you can choose to opt out and find someone else who works best for you. You know, you go to a restaurant and you don't always like, you know, You know, you go to a restaurant and you don't always like, you know, the food that's served. So, you choose not to go back to that restaurant. It's the same thing.

You know, if that experience feels really uncomfortable for you, then why are you going back? So, I really say that people should evaluate whether or not this is the right individual for them. And, what worked for one person, what worked for one couple doesn't necessarily mean that that's the right individual for another couple. You know, even though that person has a great reputation, doesn't necessarily mean that they are the right individual for you. So, you've got to do your own due diligence.

Deborah Moskovitch is a leading author and public speaker on divorce and relationships.

She regularly shares her insights and research on television and radio to discuss how divorce can be managed to minimize the grief and financial hardships people often experience. Deborah also speaks regularly about the importance of the emotional healing post-divorce. She is a regular contributor to More magazine’s online edition, a national publication celebrating women over 40. She serves on the Board of Directors of AFCC Ontario, an international association of professionals dedicated to improving the lives of children and families through the resolution of family conflict. Her goal is to help people manage the divorce process in a healthier, less painful way and move on to create a better life post-divorce.

For more information, visit Deborah’s website at www.thesmartdivorce.com, contact her via email at info at thesmartdivorce dot com or call 905 695 0270.

Tags: attorney, divorce, marriage mediation