Part 2: Save your marriage or leave it

By MaritalMediation Staff on November 16, 2010

In this exclusive interview, Deborah Moskovitch discusses knowing when to leave a marriage or try to save it:

“You need to do everything you can to put your marriage back on track, so that if you do decide to divorce, you know that you did all the work up front. So you tried the couples counseling, and obviously if you’re getting divorced, it didn’t work. But you saw what was wrong in that relationship. You really did try to put in on track.”

First thing I do, is refer them to a couples counselor, and I find it astounding that many people are unaware of the resources available to them. So I do think that they really should look to talk to, you know, a therapist or a couples counselor, perhaps individually, you know, to find out what's bothering them. And also together as a couple. Cause what are the communication breakdowns? Why isn't that relationship working?

I do believe, you know, and my book is called The Smart Divorce, my company is The Smart Divorce, and that's my philosophy is one of the things is living life without regret.

You need to do everything you can to put your marriage back on track, so that if you do decide to divorce , you know that you did all the work up front. So you did the, you tried the couples counseling, and it either, obviously if you're getting divorced, it didn't work. But you saw what was wrong in that relationship. But you really did try to put in on track and I think that's critical.

And also the therapy.

Like people think that, marriage isn't working, I'm going to get a divorce cause life is better being divorced.

You know, divorce isn't going to make you happy either. It's a lot of work, but marriage is a lot of work. And being happily divorced is a lot of work.

People do think that it's a panacea, it's not.

And the other really interesting thing that I've heard from many individuals is, if I would have known how hard it was to divorce, I would have worked harder at my marriage.

Now isn't that interesting.

So I want people to think about what life would be, what life would look like if they weren't with this partner, be realistic about what's important to them. And why they want to leave the marriage. So I think that that's important, and a lot of that is through introspection and working with a couples counselor.

Deborah Moskovitch is a leading author and public speaker on divorce and relationships.

She regularly shares her insights and research on television and radio to discuss how divorce can be managed to minimize the grief and financial hardships people often experience. Deborah also speaks regularly about the importance of the emotional healing post-divorce. She is a regular contributor to More magazine’s online edition, a national publication celebrating women over 40. She serves on the Board of Directors of AFCC Ontario, an international association of professionals dedicated to improving the lives of children and families through the resolution of family conflict. Her goal is to help people manage the divorce process in a healthier, less painful way and move on to create a better life post-divorce.

For more information, visit Deborah’s website at www.thesmartdivorce.com, contact her via email at info at thesmartdivorce dot com or call 905 695 0270.

Tags: attorney, divorce, marriage mediation