An Asperger’s Marriage

Marriage can be a struggle for any of us, but if your husband has Asperger’s it brings a whole set of challenges of its own. David Finch talks about the process he and his wife went through which ultimately was successful in saving their marriage.

IT wasn’t working, any of it. Our third year of marriage threatened to be our last. I’d become cynical and withdrawn, obsessive and preoccupied, dismissive and unhelpful.

Their marriage reaches the breaking point and his wife convinces him to go for Asperger’s testing, at which he receives an extremely high score for diagnosis:

What I needed initially were communication skills and a sense of empathy, neither of which, in my case, had been factory-installed. Fortunately, I was living with a highly qualified therapist with a strong motivation to help. Her objective: re-invent our marriage.

And after they’ve gone through an intensive program of therapy to teach him marriage communication and empathy skills.

But over all I’m a good patient, and we’ve made steady progress. We’ve even reached a therapeutic milestone. When something is wrong, Kristen is able to whisper to me those three magic words: “Can we talk?” And instead of shutting down and freezing her out with silent brooding, I’m able to provide an equally magical response: “Yes.”

It’s an inspiring story, you can read the whole article in the New York Times.

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